Confessional Syndrome

Happy New Year S!

2009-01-02T05:45:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year S!

You didn't pick my Call.. i don't know what made you stop but you didn't change your mind even if tried many times..

I just can stop thinking about you..it was already about 2am when i reached home last night after a long tiring journey and the first and last thought till i was trapped by Sleep was about you.It's been almost 3 nights since i last slept properly, but i just can't avoid you. I still look for reasons which have kept you away from me. I know how much hard i may try but you won't cease to come into my dreams. From the day i fell in Love with you, i have dreamt just of you. You are the only one i can sacrifice my whole life for. Yeah i have tried to forget you but could not. No New Year resolutions, its always the same with me. I have always wanted you. I have already shed my first tears of the new year.I have been making plans for our outing on the Eve of New Year even if i know you are not there and you won't be there.
Sentimental, yeah i have always been that.Even if i was among so many people for the last two days, your memories never ever strayed away from me for a single moment.

Will always Love you S!

BREATHE

2009-01-02T05:35:00.000-08:00

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time
Mmm...mmm...Mmm...mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know, like the back of my hand
And I can't...
Breathe without you, but I have to
Breathe without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I try to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

It's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
And it's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me...

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
Oh...

I can't breathe without you, but I have to
Breathe without you, but I have to

Sorry, sorry, sorry, yeah, sorry
Sorry, sorry, sorry....

I Miss You S!

2008-12-23T05:22:00.000-08:00

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Are you lonesome tonight,
do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

I wonder if you're lonesome tonight
You know someone said that the world's a stage
And each must play a part.
Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart.
Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue
Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange
And why I'll never know.
Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
And I had no cause to doubt you.
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
Than go on living without you.

THAT THING

2008-12-22T04:54:00.000-08:00

I never thought that letting go would be something
I never thought that something would mean onething
I was thinking that the onething is my everything
then my everything seems to be nothing

I thank you for that onething
That was previously my everything
And now that i know I have nothing
It led me to realizing something

That everything would mean nothing
If that onething is missing.

Am I Over You

2008-12-19T01:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a few days
I have not heard anything from you.
I dont know if your doing fine or not
But I cant stop thinking about you

I wonder if your thinking about me
Or maybe you have already forgotten me.
I was wishing for a smile
Although it's from a mile

I am feeling different
But I am feeling fine.
I dont know whats going on
With this feeling that been there for so long

Now I think I'm missing you
But im not sure if that is true
I was hoping to at least talk to you
Not because i'm feeling blue

But I can't understand and I get confuse
If the love inside, is still with in me
or If im over you and Im begining to find me
im unsure if i feel blue

I guess, I only need to see you
Then perhaps i can tell if this is true
if The love with in me is there
or the love with in me is dead

'I Don't Know Syndrome' having its toll over me!

2008-12-09T00:26:00.000-08:00

She called me up to ask for schedule of Bus/trains/Flights for Shimla trip!
No i am not a part of it..She was happy that she was going on a holiday to Shimla..she will enjoy and was really excited ..i am also happy for her..i like her to be happy always..but somewhere i felt a pain..she is going on Christmas Day!
i had all sorts of plans, gifts , outings..i wanted to take her somewhere out but she refused and said she can't take half day leave even..anyways..no grievances whatsoever after that..

I wanted to have a lunch with her today and asked her for the same..but she didn't turn up..said
'You know i am not well' though she went to the beauty parlor ..

No, she didn't ask me what were my plans, perhaps that is not to be expected even..
I said 'I will be left alone'..
her answer 'you are alone as i live in my home n u in your room'..
Answer even worse than the worst expected!
i don't know what she meant by this..may be she wants me to feel insulted again..

After the last night with that 'I Don't know Syndrome' all around with every question, i have no respite but just left to take it more, swallow it inside until i am stabbed to death!
She will be the last visitor to me after my Death..I can bet over that..
I don't expect anything now but Expectations are natural and they come by themselves..
i need to master the art to forget everything about her and stop expecting anything..
I don't know what she wants but her thinking is getting clearer day-by-day.It used to be cluttered but now the picture is very clear.

She doesn't respect me or our relation rather takes everything for granted.She said it last night 'I don't have any respect for our relationship atleast from my side'.
I am still confused even after getting rebuked time and again, even after the healthy advices from A and N.
To my Question ' Do you Love me or not' She said 'I Don't Know'
To my Question 'Am i your BF or what' she said 'I Don't Know'
I begged her for the answer but she didn't move.

I just know one thing..I wanted everything to be alright but now i just don't want her, i just don't want her to be part of my life,she doesn't deserve that.